Afraid of What He'll Find...
April 21st, 2016
This month, in our LeadHer Local chapters we’re discussing our April topic of “Search Me Prayers” as part of our yearlong Pray-Pare theme. This discussion started based on our teaching video for the month that was centered around this scripture from Psalm 139:23-24:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
In my local chapter’s first meeting of the month, after watching the teaching video, we divided into discussion groups based upon where we were on our journey with Search Me Prayers. One group represented women who were ready to say yes to God as a response to whatever He asked as a result of their prayer for Him to search them. Another group consisted of ladies who expressed their desire to pray that search me prayer, but they just weren’t quite ready or there was something getting in the way of them being able to fully surrender everything to God. The last discussion group were women who vulnerably admitted that they just felt like they couldn’t pray that prayer.
The testimonies that flowed, from the last two groups mentioned especially, seemed like they all had one thing in common. Though everyone had a different story and different reasoning, fear seemed to be the root cause keeping these women from being swift to pray that “search me” prayer. This month, I’ve honestly had a difficult time praying this prayer myself. It hasn’t been until the last couple of days that I’ve pinpointed some fear in myself also.
I don’t know many (any) people who love admitting their fears, especially when it comes to prayer and our relationship with God. However, fear is what I’ve been faced with in myself this month. “Point out anything in me that offends You.” I think that’s where I personally am getting stuck. Who wants to be reminded of something in them that is flat out offensive to the creator of the universe, our Savior and Redeemer? For me, I don’t want to be made aware of the things in me that hurt someone I love so dearly. I’m afraid to ask God to search me, because I’m afraid of what He’ll find. Yet, avoidance doesn’t remove those things from me, and the Lord knows they’re there and sees them whether I’m willing to admit they’re there or not.
Here’s the good news! When we invite God to search us, He doesn’t just point out the things offensive to Him. He doesn’t shame us or embarrass us, but He completely washes us clean of those things and sets us free from them! I said earlier that I’ve been having a difficult time getting past that part of the scripture, but if I would have literally gotten past that part of the scripture, I would have seen the “and lead me along the path of everlasting life” part!
I challenge you to pray this, sometimes uncomfortable, prayer too. If you’re feeling plagued by fear at that challenge, as I found myself being, remember God sees it all anyway. Not only does He see it all, but He loves you still! Nothing in you can make Him love you less, so let that motivate you to pray those difficult prayers. Remember, allowing God to search you, and point out the things most offensive to Him in you, is freeing you to walk in the fullness of that abundant life Christ came for you to have… a life, a prayer life, rid of fear.
“…perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4:18)