Perpetuating the Cycle
by Rick Johnson
October 15th, 2015

Fatherless boys tend to follow in the footsteps modeled for them, perpetuating fatherlessness onto future generations. Here is a fairly simple illustration of what this looks like, using very broad generalizations.

When boys are raised only by women, they grow up learning the communication style of women. They use more words, they speak emotionally, and they tend to chatter or ramble on—giving more details without getting to the point. They communicate in the style of women.

This then makes men and other boys uncomfortable, causing them to shy away, which isolates the boy from the world of men even further. But the one thing these boys have learned is how to speak the language of women. Because words mean a great deal to women, men who know how to speak their language have an advantage in that they can more easily manipulate them.

Women tend to draw intimacy with lovers through verbal communication. Females are wired to respond to verbal and non-sexual affection with sexual affection. And so, especially for fatherless girls who are starved for masculine affection, they are more easily impressed and more quickly develop intimate feelings with these males who can speak their language. This frequently results in them becoming pregnant (imitating what their single mothers modeled for them).

The boys, frightened by the huge responsibility parenthood imposes upon them, imitate what was modeled for them by the most important males in their lives—they leave—perpetuating the cycle of fatherlessness again onto the next generation. This all happens on an unconscious level as these populations (as are most of us) are seldom aware of the motivations behind their decision-making process.

If your son (or daughter) does not live with you, they still desperately need you in their life. Study after study shows that the importance of fathers—especially in the lives of teenagers—is undeniable. Even if your children do live under your roof, there are hundreds, maybe thousands of fatherless boys within a stone’s throw who need you in their lives.


Are you using your power as a man to make a difference in the lives of the fatherless?

Rick Johnson is the founder of Better Dads. His passion for families has expanded his work to include influencing the whole family with life-changing insights on parenting, relationships, and personal growth. Rick is the best-selling author of 11 books on parenting, marriage, and masculinity. He is a popular keynote speaker at men’s and women’s conferences and retreats. 

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